View Profile AlphaStorm73
Hi, I'm Zach. I do music, and kinda dabble in other medias. Use my music in your projects as you please, as long as you credit me. Love Y'all <3 P.S. NO GD USE PLEASE!!


13, Male


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Joined on 5/22/16

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24 Hours, How Am I Now?

Posted by AlphaStorm73 - March 21st, 2019

How am I now? Not much better. I was actually stopped by my family. There are no scars on me, I didn't do anything, but since I was stopped, I was able to read every single message that was sent to me... and I want to give out some thank you's;

First of all to @Peregrinus for being one of the first people to see my suicide note and to try to stop me from doing it in the first place. Second to @TomFulp for his recent message to me giving me some helpful advice and the like. With my reputation, I thought it wouldn't have been so sincere, but it was, and I thank you for that. It shows that you do truly care about the amazing online community you have created, and rightly so. And finally to @PukingOnPaper for being the person who tried the hardest to help me, even when I could have been considered dead. You sent me three messages and gave a review on my suicide note, all of which were trying to stop me and were filled with heartfelt messages. And I feel that you are now part of the reason I'm still here. You were nice enough and cared enough to send me so many messages that were so heartfelt and filled with sorrow, and to that I thank you endlessly.

As a result of all this, I'm going to be going on hiatus for a while. I will continue music, I just need to take time to help myself and fix myself. I am in therapy, and I have a session tonight, so I'll talk to her about my position on life as of now, and see what she can do to help me.

'Alpha, what happened though?' I hear you ask. It's a story best told for another day. It's so fresh in the memory that if I tell it now, this message wouldn't have gotten out. And you wouldn't know that I'm okay. Thus I would have been added to the NewGrounds memoriam page, even though I'm not dead, much like what happened a year ago. I don't want to repeat history, and as a result, I'm telling you now that I'm fine, I'm alive, but I am struggling with ludicrous amounts of depression that I need to fix before I can get back to what I know can help if I just put in enough effort and try as hard as I can.

I'm sorry about what's happened. I am truly, truly sorry. I suppose posting the suicide note might not have been the best idea, but, if I went silent for months, people would start to question what happened, and when a message did inevitably come out (I had a plan for that anyway), you would then know that I was in fact dead. However, I feel like it might have been best for me to post the suicide note, because that ended up pointing me in some great directions for help, and as a result, I will start to feel better.

Once again, thank you for everything. I'll see you all in a few weeks.

Take care!




Comments (4)

I'm glad to see you're still around, and that you'll have a session tonight. I sincerely hope things start to get better from here on!

I hope so too. It was a rough couple of hours yesterday.

I've been there. It'll suck a bit to get through some of the tasks your session leader may get you doing, but it is 110% worth it.

And I have taken it for a few months, and I know it's worth it. I just need it more than ever now.

you are loved
keep going

I’m very late but
I’m seriously happy that you’re still here. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this much relief over a piece of information before.
It’s good to know you’ll be getting help from now on, and taking time to focus on healing.
Depression is really hard to deal with, especially alone, so I’m glad you reached out for help. I’ve had help before and I know the difference it made. Even if I couldn’t have it for long enough, it was way better than nothing. It was important that I got it.
And it’s important that you get it, so it’s good that you are now! Getting better can be really hard, but it’s certainly worth fighting for it. So I’m really glad you’re still here to do it. That you still have the chance to get better. Because you deserve to.
Point is: I hope everything goes well, and that things get better for you; I’m really glad you’re still here; And I wish you a nice hiatus (as nice as can be within the circumstances).

Again, I thank you oh so much for all you have done. All the support you've given has been very much appreciated. Happy tears, long story short xD

Anyway, yeah, rip the hiatus. I literally cannot stick to any word, since I just started a million new projects. Anyway, again, thanks very much :)